Why, Some of My Best Friends Are Monkeys Black

I'm sure you probably heard by now, but a California Republican (and reportedly Tea Party activist), Marilyn Davenport is being slammed for emailing this photo of Obama to fellow travelers with the heading, "Now you know why no birth certificate."

Members of her own party in her own state found this image so offensive, they've been calling on Davenport to resign from her state party's central committee.

"It's just highly inappropriate, it's a despicable message, it drips with racism and I think she should step down from the committee," [chairman of the Orange County (Calif.) Republican Party, Scott] Baugh said. "It undermines everything we are doing to reach out to ethnic communities."


Now, this is exactly the kind of drivel that will cause all kinds of shock and blah all over the blogosphere. Before it properly kicks off, I, for one, want to state for the record that I am not shocked in the least bit by any of it.

Olivia Newton-John vs. Vaughan Mason

When cultural anthropologists argue about what most consider the apex of Western Civilization, the all-too-brief Roller Disco Era, scholars often split into two schools, Olivia Newton-John vs. Vaughan Mason, and which act perfectly personifies this electrical moment in our culture.

In this halcyon Age of Obama, nobody likes to think of any debate (outside of Kathryn Stockett's The Help) could possibly break down along racial lines. Yet, many do concede that it is nearly impossible to avoid the topic of race when discussing the Roller Disco Era.

In Hollywood's attempt to prove it can even squeeze the black out of midnight, they drained the funk out of disco and the melanin out of roller skating and released Xanadu in 1980. There's a certain Wonder Bread wonder to the movie, which stars Michael Beck (from The Warriors), Olivia Newton-John, and (homeboy) Gene Kelly with music from legendary synth ... uhhhh ... well, you know, ELO (Electric Light Orchestra). Now, in all fairness, the movie did feature that poppin-and-locking brutha who went on to Breakin' fame. And I often imagine that the greatest black actor of the era not named Grand Bush, Stoney Jackson, was in the flick (but he wasn't).

And on the other side of this bloody schism is Vaughan Mason and Crew--the one-hit 1980 wonder with a funky-ass bass line. But damn, what a bass line.

It is time for you to decide:

National Riff on Juan Williams Day

That Fox money apparently has Juan running scared and running at the mouth. Now, he's admitting that he's afraid of his fellow Negroes when he sees them running in "thuggish packs" hunting down antelope walking down the street. It made us wonder what else Senor Juanito sees when he sees "The Other".










 PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD YOUR OWN 




"When I see blacks, dressed in traditional black garb, I make chitlins."



"When I see blacks, dressed in traditional black garb, I jump down, turn around, pick a bale of cotton."



"When I see blacks, dressed in traditional black garb, I move. Property values are about to plummet."



"When I Zulus, dressed in traditional Zulu garb, I scream, 'Go back to Africa!'"

The Decider's Lowest Presidential Points

Thankfully-ex President George W. Bush has now proudly carried on a presidential tradition started by his father: he's taking on the rappers. If you haven't heard by now, "The Decider" has written a memoir, where he says that, when Kanye West told the nation that W. doesn't care about black people, he was "disgusted" and "deeply insulted" and it was the lowest point of his presidency.

Personally, I don't get it. I could understand if that telethon was the lowest point in Mike Meyer's professional career. I mean, the brother hung him out to dry. You can just tell he was thinking, "Will you please shut the fuck up. I'm Canadian, yo. They can take away my green card. They're gonna 'extraordinary rendition' my ass to Syria."

I could even understand if Kanye had actually been Laura Bush telling the nation, in that cute Xanax-y drawl of hers, "My husband doesn't care about nigras." That would've really sucked. But Kanye?! Come on now. How the hell does he even appear on your radar. I have Kanye's first two albums, and even I don't care what the hell Kanye says.

Look, if the mucho macho Connecticut Ranger wanted to go all weepy Taylor Swift just to sell books, that's fine. He could've casually mentioned that Kanye's a punk-ass bitch and he gonna smoke dat fool. But saying that that was the lowest point in his quite historic Presidency ... that's going a bit far, W. Just off the top of my head (and I'm in a rush to get to work here), I can come up with at least a few moments during your White House tenure that are most definitely, in retrospect, much worse than when Kanye called you out and smacked the eyes out your momma's head (oh wait, too late):

Robert Frost on Today's Elections

"It looked as if a night of dark intent
Was coming, and not only a night, an age.
Someone had better be prepared for rage...."

--Robert Frost, "Once by the Pacific"

Obama Will Want the Anal Probe: The Latest Teapublican Logic

The other day I had the distinct pleasure of listening to the Left's favorite "moderate" Republican, David Frum, on the radio. The question was: Who will you be voting for on Tuesday? Coming as a complete surprise, Frum waxed profound about why he was going to vote a straight Republican ticket.

His primary reasoning was that the country is in collapse and absolutely nothing that Obama has done has worked. In fact, if it hadn't been for Bush's TARP, this country would totally be in the shitter. (Funny how the Teapublicans have been hanging TARP around Obama's neck for the last two years, but, now that it seems to have been somewhat effective, at least Frum wants to take credit for it.) Basically, The Big Brother is utterly incompetent, and Frum claimed that the reason behind this buffoonery is because Obama has refused to lead. He has basically let the Democrats ride him like a brokeback bronco, and Obama has simply been presiding instead of being Presidential. Frum believes, if his party takes over one or both houses of Congress tomorrow, Obama will be forced to compromise, be forced to become a leader, and that he should actually embrace such an opportunity.

Now, since Obama's presidential election victory and the Republicans got booted out of power, I have heard from certain GOP quarters a queer sort of nostalgia for the days of Clinton and Newt. They speculate that this is perhaps the best way that the American government should be run--a Dem in the White House and Cons running the legislature. They speak fondly of the balanced budget, the projected budget surpluses, and all that economic prosperity of the late 1990s.

Michael Steele: "Now That's Racist!"

Ya know, I often joke that Michael Steele wouldn't recognize Racism if it burned a cross in his front yard and raped his momma. But, apparently, I'm wrong. Upon hearing of the reported rumors that Bill Clinton asked black senatorial candidate Kendrick Meek to step out of the race, Huey G.O.P. Newton released this statement:

"President Clinton's actions to have Kendrick Meek withdraw from the campaign sends a chilling signal to all voters, but especially African Americans. One can only imagine the response if Republican leadership tried to force out of the race – in the 11th hour – a qualified black candidate like Kendrick Meek."