Friday, October 29, 2010

Michael Steele: "Now That's Racist!"

Ya know, I often joke that Michael Steele wouldn't recognize Racism if it burned a cross in his front yard and raped his momma. But, apparently, I'm wrong. Upon hearing of the reported rumors that Bill Clinton asked black senatorial candidate Kendrick Meek to step out of the race, Huey G.O.P. Newton released this statement:

"President Clinton's actions to have Kendrick Meek withdraw from the campaign sends a chilling signal to all voters, but especially African Americans. One can only imagine the response if Republican leadership tried to force out of the race – in the 11th hour – a qualified black candidate like Kendrick Meek."

Episode 7: Teapocalypse Now!!!

All right, I've got to confess: I am really proud of this one. And I beg you to take a listen. I think you'll find it funny--and funky, of course.

Parliament – Chocolate City   
Bilal Salaam – Fa Sho   
Outkast – Rosa Parks   
Talib Kweli & Hi Tek feat. Res – Back Again   
T-Love – When You’re Older (Ode to the Pickaninny)   

Embryo – Abdul Malek   
Pere Ubu – On the Surface   
Passion Pit – The Reeling   
Little Dragon – Runabout   
White Flight – Children of the Light   

Gil Scott-Heron – The Revolution Will Not Be Televised   
Boscoe – We Ain’t Free   
Public Enemy – Can’t Truss It   
X-Clan – Fire & Earth (100% Natural)   
The Chequers – Get Up, Stand Up   

El Guincho – Bombay   
Joe Bataan – Aftershower Funk   
War – Low Rider   
Charo & The Salsoul Orchestra – Cuchi-Cuchi   
Ely Guerra – Yo No   

Bethlehem Progressive Ensemble – Call to Worship (Make Way)   
Cliff Gober – A Poor Wayfaring Stranger   
William Bell – Save Us   
The Isley Brothers – Harvest for the World   
The Road Home – Birds   

Bobby McFerrin – Don’t Worry Be Happy

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Lazy Man's Movie Review: Blood: The Last Vampire

A 1970 American airbase in Japan is being terrorized by demons. And only a katana-wielding, Satan spawn-slaying, racially confused Japanese demon hunter (Gianna Jun) can save them honkeys' asses so they can keep bombing the shit out of her Asian brothers and sisters in Vietnam.

OK, that ain't exactly how it's portrayed. I just wanted to use the word "honkey" in a sentence. You know, express my inner Sherman Helmsley.

Blood is really and truly horribly acted. I swear half of the "Americans" in this film have Australian accents, and Gianna Jun's English is awkward, at best. Like 90 percent of its Hollywood horror counterparts, this Sino-Hong Kong-French production set in Japan starring a South Korean actress degenerates into a "Save the White Chick" movie. Seriously, I asked my brutha, Yaphet Koto, this back in '79 with Alien: If all they're gonna do is scream and cry and eventually get your ass killed, can't you just pull your Social Darwinism card, say, "See ya!" and let the big bad monster eat they asses?

I'm just sayin'.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Too Old for This

Ya know, I'm a reasonable guy--fairly good-natured--quick to annoyance, but slow to anger. When I signed up for this whole African-American thing, I expected some prejudice, a bit of racism, stereotyping, good music, and even a bit of exoticism. I, even at the tender age of a zygote, foresaw more than a few occasions of racial profiling.

So, in my youth, I took it all in stride. Didn't get too angry. Never (completely) lost my mind. I'd been stopped by the police for driving while black, walking while black, looking at them the wrong way while black, looking at them period while black, for being black, looking black, and, for all I know, smelling black (but never sounding black--how odd). As far as I'm concerned, I've done my time (one night for drunken disorderly at Cook County's Finest).

But, as I said, I'm a fairly reasonable man. So, when one of Bethesda's finest profiled me almost two years ago, I took it all in stride. Hell, I even made light of it. After all, I was 38. It had been a long time since I'd had any kind of interaction with po-po. It reminded me of my youth.

However, people, play time is over! I'm 40. I don't have time for and I am too old for this shit. This has just got to stop. Do you hear me, Bethesda P.D.? Hunh?!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Damned Socialist Founding Fathers

Earlier this week, I heard Virginia's Minister of Homophobic, Racist, You-Name-It Propaganda Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli talking about Virginia's law suit against "Obama," claiming, as usual, that, if health care reform is allowed to continue, America will be "crossing the line" where Congress will be able to force every citizen to purchase a consumer product. Later, his boss, Governor Bob "Il Douche" McDonnell further elaborated that Congress will be "crossing the line," taking over yet another duty that should be relegated to the states. And beneath all their ahistoric ramblings, you could just hear the whispered refrain, "Socialism ... Socialism ... Socialism ..."

Of course, once again, Republican analysis of American politics has absolutely nothing to do with their studying actual American history. Because, comrades, that dear Socialist line was crossed ages ago by none other than our Marxist-Leninist-Maoist Founding Fathers and signed into law by the Supreme Soviet himself, George Washington.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Oh, Juan

I need to start this post by making myself perfectly clear: I am not a Juan Williams fan. I owe the brother a huge debt of gratitude for his Eyes on the Prize documentary series. However, for the past few years, he's been steady-pissing me off. That Rupert Murdoch money has been getting too good to him, and he's been becoming more conservative by the fiscal year. He had a particularly large bug up his bugger over Obama in '08, and his calling the First Lady Stokely Carmichael in drag was way out of bounds. All that being said, the only thing more annoying than Williams' pseudo-sagacious commentary these past few years is his being fired by NPR for that same commentary last night.

The reason given for the termination was a comment Williams made on The O'Reilly Factor earlier this week:

"I mean, look, Bill, I'm not a bigot. You know the kind of books I've written about the civil rights movement in this country. But when I get on a plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they're identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous." 

NPR claims that Williams' statements "were inconsistent with our editorial standards and practices, and undermined his credibility as a news analyst with NPR." Earlier today on that same network, one of their executives also claimed that Williams' spouting his opinion like that on Fox also undermined said "credibility."

Now, That Was a Bad Idea

Reading Sebastian Junger's riveting book, War, at work about a combat unit in the Korengal Valley in Afghanistan. It's an intense work. The stories are so personal, you actually feel like you're getting to know some of the soldiers. The portrayal of combat is so visceral, you get nervous along with them. And, of course, you mourn their losses. It is such a good book, I highly recommend it to everyone. Of course, with a younger brother about to ship off to Afghanistan (after he's already survived Iraq) was just a fucking bad idea.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Bill Campbell: Misanthrope Show ... Minisode 4: Happy Birthday, Poohbutt!!!

Please, do me the favor and give this minisode a listen.

Gil Scott-Heron & Brian Jackson – Your Daddy Loves You
Al Jarreau – My Favorite Things
Medeski, Martin & Wood – Hickory Dickory Dock

Bill Cosby & Morgan Freeman – Jellybelly
Bob Dorough – Three Is the Magic Number
Stevie Wonder – Isn’t She Lovely?

Toots & The Maytals – Monkey Man
Desmond Dekker – Honour Your Mother and Father
The Tennors – Ride Yu Donkey
Harry Belafonte – The Banana Boat Song

Heatwave – Star of the Story
Prince – I Wish U Heaven

Monday, October 18, 2010

You Make It Too Easy, Angela

Today, German Chancellor Angela Merkel declared that German multiculturalism "utterly failed". Now, there are waaaayyyyyyy too obvious jokes we can make here ("Are we talking 1940 or 2010?" "Have you come up with a Final Solution yet, Angela?") that I'll refrain from making (oh, wait a second ...). I can deliver a whole bunch of rants about how Europeans love immigrants to lighten their load but not darken their doorsteps or, worse yet, their bloodstreams. I can go on and on about how fucked up race-baiting for votes is. I can even get smug and scoff about how this is just your colonialist past coming to bite you in the ass (though that wouldn't be too accurate in Germany's case--but when has being factually wrong stopped a blogger from ranting?).

Instead of all that, though, I simply want to ask a question to all these anti-immigrant white Europeans and European-Americans:

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Just Win, Baby!

It's been a mighty fine, mighty comfy moral perch we've been allowed to sit on, we Steelers fans. Our beloved team's owners, the Rooney family, don't take no mess. They draft for character; they reward good conduct; and they tolerate no bad conduct. Player after player who have messed up wearing the black and gold end up getting a pink slip.

And they've been able to win with that philosophy. Raiders owner, Al Davis, made amorality famous with his "Just win, baby!" motto. But look where that's got him. The Raiders haven't won a Super Bowl since the Marcus Allen era, and they've been utterly abysmal since losing to Tampa Bay in the Big Game back in '03. The Cincinnati Bungholes Bengals tried the same strategy a few years back and only wound up collecting more parole officers on the sidelines than wins on the scoreboard.

But it's not as though morality wins ball games. This high moral road the Rooneys have taken hasn't always resulted in Super Bowl victories--just more than any other team. The Steelers have spent a lot of time in my lifetime sucking (remember the end of the Noll years?). But when they have, we fans have always been allowed to feel a little smug in our frustration.

We've been able to deride Ray "Murder" Lewis. We scoffed at the Jimmy Johnson Cowboys and all their legal troubles. All those thugs and villains, drug dealers and drug fiends weren't in Steeler uniforms. And I admit, it felt a bit nice being so smug, so morally superior. The Rooneys seemed so serious about this stance, I don't think I'm the only Steelers fan who started adopting it as their own.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

"New Americans"??? Try Again, O'Malley

Now look, I often say and/or write the wrong thing. I often even revel in my own irreverence. But, truth be told, I actually do believe in the mission of the "Politically Correct." I believe that language can indeed influence and betray thought. If someone constantly uses the word "fag" in "polite" conversation, we can pretty much surmise how they feel about homosexuals, and, if I constantly called white people "honky," you'd know I was a 60-year-old former Black radical who lives in Hawaii with his Norwegian wife, eating tofu barbecue while puffing on that patchouli.

So, I am actually supportive of the whole PC movement, though I do confess I'm a bit conflicted. Anytime the PC factory comes out with a new term, I often find myself scoffing. As I did earlier tonight listening to the Maryland gubernatorial debate between Gov. Martin O'Malley and his Republican challenger (and former Maryland governor) Bob Ehrlich.

Tonight's new gem came from O'Malley, who has now decided on calling immigrants (legal or otherwise) "New Americans." It's so hard for me to figure out what my initial reaction to this new bit of political manipulation was since I got pissed at Ehrlich's own reaction to the new slogan.

"If someone breaks into my house, is that a new member of my family that night? It's not new Americans. [It's] illegals."

Monday, October 11, 2010

Medal of Honor: Trivializing Afghanistan

You know, you would think that the fact that the first generation to grow up with video games is already in its 40s would pretty much quash every controversy to arise over the latest video game. But I guess it's like when they used to tell our Baby Boomer parents that the "marijuana today is sooooo much more dangerous than what you smoked!!!"

Today's controversy is over EA's Medal of Honor, another one of those creepily realistic-looking, multi-player shoot 'em ups. Reportedly designed with the help of US armed forces, the game's furor is over the fact that it allowed you to play the game as the Taliban as well as US forces. Folks are basking in their own outrage (America's #1 reaction to anything that might just require thought), claiming that this multi-player option somehow "trivializes" what our troops are going through over there in Afghanistan.

Personally, I can't figure out how that can in the least bit be possible (they subsequently changed the "Taliban" to "Opposition Forces," or some such nonsense). When I used to fly my B-17 bomber missions over a digitized Europe with my old Intellivision, I don't feel I was in the least bit making light of what Jimmy Stewart, the Tuskegee Airmen, and the rest of our Fly Boys went through during WWII. But I don't think that's really the important argument in this whole broohaha.

I am more interested in the entire idea of what has actually trivialized our troops' struggles over there in Afghanistan. Just for the sake of a shorter post, I'll concede that Medal of Honor somehow does this. But I wonder what else may have had a larger "trivializing" factor in said conflict.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Bill Campbell: Misanthrope Show -- Episode 6: Global Funk Ambassador

Please check out the new show. And don't be afraid to tell me what you think.

I Am Not a Witch * Neanderthal Lessons * Stones vs. Beatles 


Piotr Figiel - Dyplomowany galernik
Can - Vitamin C
Isaac Hayes - Theme from Shaft
The Temptations - Cloud Nine
Piramis - Mondj Egy Meset

Serge Gainsbourg & Brigitte Bardot - Bonnie & Clyde [Herbert's Fred & Ginger Mix] Kaori - Good Life
Jungle Brothers - I'll House You
Isis - Hail the Words of Isis
Lonnie Liston Smith - Expansions

Hercules & Love Affair - Time Will
Steve Spacek - So Many Ways
Aloe Blacc - Want Me
Big Boi feat. T.I. & Khujo - Tangerine
Clutchy Hopkins w/Dorondo - Love of a Woman

Rolling Stones - Under My Thumb
Geno Washington & The Ram Jam Band - If This Is Love (I'd Rather Be Lonely)
The Jackson Five - Hum Along & Dance
Billy Preston - Outa-Space
John Lennon - Whatever Gets You Thru the Night

Robert Palmer - Through It All There's You

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Bill Campbell: The NFL Nostradamus

All right, I made a crazy prediction at work today. I think I'll share it with you.

The Steelers will go 13-3 (maaybeee 12-4), have home-field advantage throughout the playoffs, and will win their seventh Super Bowl title.

And to continue the crazy ...

Hines Ward will pull a Bettis and retire on the podium, James Farrior will retire a few weeks afterwards, and Mike Tomlin and his peoples will get to work on the third Steeler dynasty ... starting in 2016 ... three years after Big Ben retires from football to join the priesthood.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Poohbutt on War

"War is not nice."

"I don't like war."

"You shouldn't give people boo-boos."

"If you give people boo-boos, you should give them Band Aids."

"You should give them hugs, too."

Watch your ass, Sun Tzu!