Obama Will Want the Anal Probe: The Latest Teapublican Logic

The other day I had the distinct pleasure of listening to the Left's favorite "moderate" Republican, David Frum, on the radio. The question was: Who will you be voting for on Tuesday? Coming as a complete surprise, Frum waxed profound about why he was going to vote a straight Republican ticket.

His primary reasoning was that the country is in collapse and absolutely nothing that Obama has done has worked. In fact, if it hadn't been for Bush's TARP, this country would totally be in the shitter. (Funny how the Teapublicans have been hanging TARP around Obama's neck for the last two years, but, now that it seems to have been somewhat effective, at least Frum wants to take credit for it.) Basically, The Big Brother is utterly incompetent, and Frum claimed that the reason behind this buffoonery is because Obama has refused to lead. He has basically let the Democrats ride him like a brokeback bronco, and Obama has simply been presiding instead of being Presidential. Frum believes, if his party takes over one or both houses of Congress tomorrow, Obama will be forced to compromise, be forced to become a leader, and that he should actually embrace such an opportunity.

Now, since Obama's presidential election victory and the Republicans got booted out of power, I have heard from certain GOP quarters a queer sort of nostalgia for the days of Clinton and Newt. They speculate that this is perhaps the best way that the American government should be run--a Dem in the White House and Cons running the legislature. They speak fondly of the balanced budget, the projected budget surpluses, and all that economic prosperity of the late 1990s.



Of course, a lot of this and Frum's sentiment is simply duplicitous. You want power, you crave power, you are out of power, you will say anything and spin it any old way to get that power back. But there is a danger to such nostalgia. It makes people start to actually look back at the times you are being nostalgic about. See, I do remember Clinton and the Republican "Revolution."

I remember that a lot of the hard work that went into finally balancing the budget was actually done by Clinton and the Democrats before said "Revolution." Those Dems did the last thing any politician wants to do: they cut services and raised taxes. Some may call that "responsible governance." The Newtonian Republicans called it "treachery," and rode their outrage into the halls of power. Years later, when those Democratic measures took hold, the economy finally rebounded, we had all that "prosperity," and the Republicans took credit for it.

I also remember all the investigations that the Republican-led Congress conducted, all the subpoenas they handed out, all the digging they did to try to find some dirt on Clinton. I remember how those dozens of investigations and those tens of millions of dollars resulted in zilch. I remember the only thing they could get on Clinton and all the other Cabinet members they investigated was Billy's lying about receiving a blow job in the Oval Office. Now, while despicable and something I would never condone (though the secret, more lascivious side of my nature would absolutely love to receive a blow job in the Oval Office), I would never have impeached a married man for lying about that. But those Republicans' hatred of Clinton was so virulent, they actually did impeach Clinton for it. And what a circus that turned out to be.

And I'm thinking--unlike David Frum's conveniently Alzheimered ass--that Obama remembers those '90s as well. I'm thinking he's also been made aware of what the opposition has been saying about him these past couple of years. He himself has noted that Mitch McConnell has said that his job is to guarantee that Obama is a one-term president. I'm sure he's heard (future Speaker of the House?) John Boehner call his health care reforms, "Armageddon," and has seen Boehner give speeches before Tea Party crowds.

I'm guessing Obama knows all about the Tea Party and the Teapublican candidates running against him this year. How they and the people who support him don't believe he's actually from America, is the anti-Christ incarnate, etc., etc., etc.

With such hyperbole and vitriol swirling about the opposition, I can't quite figure out how Obama's supposed to supposedly lead and compromise with the same people who are calling him all sorts of stuff behind his back and actually yell, "You lie!" to his face. More importantly, I can't imagine how politicians who have run on the idea that Barack Hussein Obama is the most dangerous man America has ever faced (yeah! Fuck you, Hitler! You, too, Stalin!) are supposed to compromise and work with him.

In fact, all I can imagine (and I've done it repeatedly in person, on this blog, and on my latest podcast) is the endless procession of subpoenas and investigations. Many Teapublicans have said that they want to investigate where all the stimulus money has gone (once again, discussed on my latest podcast), and many have blankly said that they'll be investigating any department involved with health care reform so they won't be able to work on implementing it. I can imagine a lot more haranguing, a lot more obstruction, a lot more by-any-means-necessary tactics to make sure BHO will not be re-elected. I can almost wager your left testicle/ovary that there will be two years of deadlock. And, in my darkest moments, I wake with a start with nightmares of impeachment.

I cannot, for the life of me, imagine how Obama could possibly want any of that.